Ever wonder why you have relationship issues?
When people get into relationships, there’s always the honeymoon period. Love, Passion. There’s this idealized form of love we have in our mind based in part of our own construct of what we witnessed as relationship modeling from our parents, and then add in our cultural, religious, and personal experiences.
The honeymoon wears off because, we keep trying to overlay our construct of what should be onto the other person. But somehow darn’ it, they just keep messing it up, because, they are projecting and overlaying their own framework of love onto us.
We have our expectations and projections placed on the loved one, but now that they are bucking it, we call the relationship into judgement. We deem them bad, unworthy, uncaring, resentful, maniacal, cunning, shrill. That judgement now separates us from them as we don’t want to be around that anymore.
But that self-invoked separation now has become a double edged sword. Because we deem that there is now something wrong with me. Why don’t the love me? I must be bad. I am unlovable. We now have judged ourselves.
Another way to look at contentious relationships is from the perceptions and frameworks we have learned from witnessing and modeling our parents or those who modeled “this is how you do a relationship.” Right or Wrong, Good or Bad these basic tenets are impressed into our unconscious mind beginning inside the womb and up until age 7-8.
The mind during that development time period is in “theta” wave, the same frequency the brain is under during hypnosis. The unconscious mind is downloading at rapid rates all the programs and beliefs of our parents as how we are to survive and live and process our worlds. The child has no way to reject or edit anything going into the mind.
So one day we meet someone, the love of our life and are smitten. But what we don’t know is what programs and beliefs is the opposite party bringing into the relationship from their upbringing and past experiences?
The way to negate this effect is to examine your feelings, images, sounds, and senses regarding what you are feeling inside each situation with the other person. What is triggering you and how are you feeling when you are triggered?
At that point, you see it for what it is, understand this is a past belief, and it’s not real. Once you let that perception go, you can then replace it with the feeling you do want and heal that relationship.
OR…You will be able heal yourself and then lovingly release and let that relationship go in order to find the love you do want from this new frame of reference.
Randolph is a Life Coach with unique talent to help his clients ferret out emotional pain in relationships and replace and transform into what they desire.